How To Understand Crazy Runners

Summer is in full swing, meaning that runners are, too. Maybe you might have glimpsed them around and outside, loping along trails and paths. Perhaps you have even seen fascinating creatures in suburban settings, such as supermarkets and coffeehouses, hunting for food.

But what would you actually understand about these aerobic creatures that are self-conscious? Are they dangerous? What do they eat? How do you dispose of one that’s in your house?

These questions are not academic. As the population grows, and an increasing number of acreage is developed, human-runner interactions will simply grow. The following information will help prepare you.

Why do runners run?

Why do runners run? You may as well inquire, “Why do birds fly?” or “Why do fish swim?” or “Why do people buy scratch-off lottery tickets?” The response is the same: Because it’s awesome. Also, in the case of running, because maybe it is possible to lose a couple of pounds.

Why do runners wear those crazy clothes?

Scientists are unsure just what purpose is served by the skimpy and usually brilliantly coloured gear runners wear. One theory is that it’s meant to bring potential mates. Another is that it’s not offensive, as it makes them more visible. Some biologists believe that runners have really evolved to favor brighter clothing, as those wearing dull colors like “Pavement Grey” often not live long enough to reproduce.

Are runners dangerous?

You should not evoke runners, needless to say. But runners will go out of their way to prevent confrontation and are docile. However, females shoving on jogging strollers may attack if they feel their infants are in danger. Additionally, particular phrases that are hearing might enrage runners; among them:

— “Running will destroy your knees.”

— “Marathons cause heart attacks.”

— “Hey, you’re a jogger, right?”

— “Jogging will destroy your knees.”

Runners may respond powerfully. Meaning, they’ll go on to Facebook and post a rant that their jogging buddies will then “Like.”

What do runners eat?

Runners love a varied diet, consisting of bananas, sports drinks, bagels, pizza, smoothies, beer, pasta, spareribs, chicken lo mein, muffins, scrambled eggs, sushi, ice cream, broiled shrimp skewers, black bean enchiladas, and those big turkey legs they sell at state fairs and Renaissance festivals. And that is only on their days that are long run.

You might be tempted to feed runners–especially the lanky ones–but do not do it. You will just bring more of them, and runners swarming in great numbers can be a pain.

What should I do if I confront a runner who is lost and scared?

From time to time, a runner discover himself in unknown land and may wander from his pack, including a dinner party full of extroverts or a sports bar. Often, from will appear confused, or agitated.

Don’t panic! Anxiety can be sensed by runners, and it will simply make a bad situation worse. Instead, approach the runner and ask about his footwear or his watch. Both will likely be running -unique. Soon the will be talking nonstop, that will put him at ease. This will buy you some time while store running. Someone will be sent by the store to collect the runner and return him to safety.

What if I find a runner in my house?

Notably in the hot summer months, runners may seek relief in air conditioned homes and then panic when they can not get back out–especially once they recognize that their GPS watch has lost its satellite connection. If you detect a base runner put in your dwelling, open a door and try to “shoo” her out with a broom. If that does not work, try a little trickery. Pointing outside and yelling, “Hey! Is not that the man who wrote “Born to Run”?” has been known to work.

How can they reproduce?

Runners practice a complicated mating ritual that starts with the man donning a novelty T shirt reading “Distance Runners Do It Longer” and ends suddenly, minutes after, with the female reminding him that they both have to be up early for a long run so they actually should just “hit the hay.”

In short: No one knows.

There’s much more, obviously. Runners are not simple, fascinating creatures, and they’ve much to teach us. I am hoping that this advice helps ensure that your meetings with runners–this summer and beyond– are happy and healthful ones.


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